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Posted: Thu May 04, 2017 1:02 pm 
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JoeW wrote:Happy Star Wars Day!

Am I the last guy on the planet to hear this one! Best--- Joe Walkowski (WNYTC ORCA)

You sure knew it before me! :wink:

True story: When I went to see the original at the theater I was so bored I fell asleep 20 minutes into it. I never have been able to get into the Star Wars phenomenon. :roll:


Posted: Thu May 04, 2017 1:40 pm 
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You do know WHY today is Star Wars Day, right? Best--- JoeW


Posted: Thu May 04, 2017 2:10 pm 
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Never cared enough to look into it, but tomorrow? Two "Days" on the same day could be interesting. :lol:


Posted: Thu May 04, 2017 3:57 pm 
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Today is Star Wars day because it is "May the Fourth... be with you" Day!

Guess I wasn't last on the list to hear this one! Geez, I love crummy jokes! Thanks guys. Best---- Joe Walkowski (WNYTC ORCA)


Posted: Thu May 04, 2017 7:55 pm 
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Now Space Balls that thar wuz FUNNY don't care who ya are .
May The Schwartz be with you .

Image


Posted: Thu May 04, 2017 8:05 pm 
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Went to the Doctor the other day, We got to talking about collecting reels. He asked me if I had any reel collector friends that suffer from mental illness. I told him no, I think they actually enjoy it.


Posted: Sun May 07, 2017 10:24 am 
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Good one, Al! After 7 straight days of rain and cold- I need some cheering up!

And nomdeplume57---LOL! I really liked Spaceballs, too! I wonder how they got away with that spoof legally! Also liked ALL the Airport spoofs (remember the exchange between Over, Under, Roger, and Clarence? and the line that formed to smack the hysterical lady?) and Hot Shots! The enemy pilot nicknamed "Dead Meat" brought tears to my eyes! Don't even want to start with "Blazing Saddles"! Have fun! Best---- Joe Walkowski (WNYTC ORCA)


Posted: Tue May 09, 2017 8:18 am 
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Location: Houston Texas
The other day, I was walking through a park, and I saw an old man on a bench, just crying and crying. I walked up to him and asked what was wrong. Through his sobs, I could make out that he had just gotten married.
"Did something go wrong at the wedding?" I asked.
"No," he replied. "The wedding was beautiful."
"Does your new wife treat you poorly?" I asked.
"No, she is so kind to me. She treats me like a king."
"Have you grown tired of her looks?"
"No, she is more beautiful even than the wedding."
"Is it something about sex?"
"No, I told you: she treats me like a king."
I looked at him and scratched my head. "I'm confused. It sounds like you have a wonderful wife who treats you well and satisfies your needs. Yet, here you are sad and crying on a park bench."
He looked back at me, dropped his head, and started to sob again. "I can't remember where I live!"


Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2017 8:05 am 
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Too funny to pass up:


Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2017 8:32 am 
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THAT IS FUNNY.


Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2017 12:41 pm 
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Two old guys were sitting on the porch just shooting the breeze and one turn to the other and said, " you know, we went to the best restaurant the other night. they had fantastic barbecue ribs. Second old man said, "well what was the name of the restaurant?" The first guy thought for a minute, then asked "what's the name of that flower that everybody buys for Valentine's Day... it's real good smelling." the second guy said "Rose?" First guy turned toward the house and yelled, "Hey Rose!...what was the name of that restaurant we went to the other night?"


Posted: Sat Jun 24, 2017 11:25 pm 
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john elder wrote:Two old guys were sitting on the porch just shooting the breeze and one turn to the other and said, " you know, we went to the best restaurant the other night. they had fantastic barbecue ribs. Second old man said, "well what was the name of the restaurant?" The first guy thought for a minute, then asked "what's the name of that flower that everybody buys for Valentine's Day... it's real good smelling." the second guy said "Rose?" First guy turned toward the house and yelled, "Hey Rose!...what was the name of that restaurant we went to the other night?"


Haha that's funny because it's probably true.


Posted: Thu Jun 29, 2017 9:30 pm 
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Location: Jackson Michigan
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.


Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2017 10:45 am 
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Location: Western NY
Couple observations about Disney characters:

1. Pluto was a dog, so was Goofy. But... Goofy always wore pants, and Pluto never did!
2. Whenever Donald would take a shower, he would always emerge with a towel around his lower half. But when he was dressed... he never wore pants!

Couple things must have slipped by the geniuses at Disney, eh? Best--- Joe Walkowski (ORCA)


Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2017 5:29 pm 
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Location: On the Snake River or Lake Lowell
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.

She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed your 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ... I assumed you had stolen the car."


Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 11:40 am 
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I discovered a 10th reindeer!!!! No, not Rudolph, he was number 9. After careful research, I found the name of the 10th was carefully hidden away in the lines of a famous Christmas song, and it's a girl reindeer, and she was a mean one! Know what her name is? Best---- Joe Walkowski

OK- the mysterious, mean 10th reindeer's name was "Olive"! Like in the "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" song! It says "Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names."!

Have a good one! Best--- Joe Walkowski


Last edited by JoeW on Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 2:52 pm 
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(Stolen from the Comedy Channel on Sirius)

"I finally found out what women want!.....Security!....well, at least that's what they start yelling every time I walk up and start talking to them!"

(Brrrrump-bump!)


Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:40 am 
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Speaks for itself!



Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 7:07 pm 
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Location: Jackson Michigan
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a
nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of
her nightgown and say 'Supersex...' She walked up to
an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him,
she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment
or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the
soup.'


Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 4:39 pm 
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Location: Jackson Michigan
A woman was visited by her Priest and in their discussion, he told her
she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to
get into heaven.

The woman said she would try her best.

The Priest visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting
on. "Not bad," said the woman, "I've given up smoking and
drinking. However yesterday I bent over to get some stuff out of the
freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs. He
pulled up my skirt and made love to me right then and there."


"They don't like that in heaven, said the Priest.
The woman replied: "They're not too happy about it in Costco, either!"


Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2018 10:16 am 
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I claim no credit for these- just got them as a forward. Sadly, all I can think of is "How true"! LOL. Have fun. Best--- Joe Walkowski (WNYTC, ORCA)

1. My goal for 2018 was to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.

2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.

3. How to prepare Tofu:
a. Throw it in the trash
b. Grill some meat

4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

5. I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside they closed school? Nah, me either.

10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.

11. I love being over 65. I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.

12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

13. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

14. November is the end of Daylight Savings Time. Hope you didn't forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.

15. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.


Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:37 am 
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Location: On the Snake River or Lake Lowell
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”


Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 1:40 pm 
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Right in line with Phil's (see above).

A car comes screeching into an Emergency Room! Guy hops out, runs in, and yells "Quick, help! I accidentally shot my hunting buddy!". Doctor goes running out to the car with him. The guy says "Is there anything you can do to save him?" Doctor replies "Well, maybe... before you gutted him and tied him to your fender"!

Sorry. Best---- Joe Walkowski (WNYTC, ORCA)


Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 3:15 pm 
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I think this is already here!

CALLER:
Is this Gordon's Pizza?
GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:
My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER:
OK! That’s what I want …
GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!.
GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:
How the hell do you know!
GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER:
I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!!!
GOOGLE:
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…


Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2018 6:58 am 
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