Fun With Phones

Someplace just to show that reel collectors do have a life
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Robyn Summerlin
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Location: Woodville, TX

Fun With Phones

Post by Robyn Summerlin »

From my brother-in-law earlier today:

Mid-morning, a call came from a man who identified himself as Kevin
Smith. Given his accent, which resembled those of callers from the
subcontinent, I think he must be a product of a bi-cultural marriage. He
identified himself as working for Microsoft and informed me that their
monitoring systems had discovered that my Mac laptop is in danger of
serious infection. I was working outside, preparing to use
an electric sander that was going to take some time to prepare all the
parts of the project, so I kept at it while we talked. I asked how he
was sure that it was my computer. He gave me my correct phone number,
zip code, and last name, then proceeded to reveal that their information
showed that yesterday evening I had used my laptop to check email,
browse the internet, and watch porn. I find it interesting that he
apparently regarded that as a net that would catch a high proportion of
poor fish. I assured him I had not watched any porn, indeed had not used
my laptop on the day before, but that this sounded like something I
definitely wanted to clear up. He encouraged me to do so and offered to
help. The rest of the conversation went something like this:

KS: "Are you at your computer now so you can turn Windows on?" (I let that
slip go by. Usually, mentioning that I use Macs results in an immediate
hang-up, and that was not my intent this time.)
WCM: "No. It is upstairs, but I can go up and turn it on. It will take a
while to set it up because it's in a travel case. Kevin, I hear several
other people talking on your end."
KS: "Yes. Many people are having this problem with Windows."
KS: "That's OK. Just take your sweet time."
(2 minutes passed while I cut a piece of rough sandpaper to fit the sander.)
WCM: OK. I've got it set up, but I need to turn it on. It's very slow.
It may take a couple of minutes."
KS: "That is no problem. Just take your sweet time." (As you can tell,
he had an accommodating spirit.)
(2 minutes passed and I affixed the sandpaper to the sander, which
always takes some adjusting, then readjusting.)
WCM: "OK, Kevin, I'm all set. What do I need to do now?"
KS: "What key do you see at the bottom left of your keyboard? Does it
say CTRL?"
WCM: "Yes, I see it."
KS: "What key is next to it on the right?"
WCM: "Command."
KS: "Command? You said it was a Mac."
WCM. "Yes, but I'm using a Microsoft keyboard attached to it."
KS: "Now, in the line at the top, type www. Then j as in Johnny. i as in
inland, o as in Oscar....
WCM: "J as in what?"
KS: "Johnny. i as in inland, o as in oscar, n as in nancy, o as in oscar."
WCM: "You already said Oscar."
KS: "Yes, O as in Oscar again. Dot com."
WCM: "JIONZO."
KS: "N. JIONOZ.com. Now hit return."
WCM: "I'm getting a message on the screen."
KS: "What does it say?"
WCM: "It says, 'Congratulations! For almost ten minutes you have kept
this criminal from duping someone who does not know about this common scam."
KS: "What!?"
WCM: "You are a crook, part of a common scam."
KS: "You M*****F*****! You used ten minutes of my time. You M*****F****!"
WCM: "Have a wonderful day, Kevin." This time the click came from my end.

I smiled throughout my little sanding job and have replayed the exchange
several times in my head, every time with pleasant amusement and
self-satisfaction.
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Midway Tommy D
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Re: Fun With Phones

Post by Midway Tommy D »

I get the same call about once a month. My response is always the same..."No $hit, I'm on it right now and every thing has been working just fine, and Malwarebytes and Avast both indicate there's absolutely nothing wrong in there. How many times are you going to ask me permission to fix my perfectly good computer you STUPID SON OF A B _ _ _H? Then it's click from both ends at the same time. :mrgreen: I keep it fast & furious 'cause I don't want them :twisted: high-jacking my phone. :wink:
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Rubber Reel Lady
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Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2003 10:14 am

Re: Fun With Phones

Post by Rubber Reel Lady »

I have received many of these calls. Always from someone that has a thick accent. About two weeks ago, I received the usual call that my "Windows" was suffering from something awful. I told him, "Every time you call, I say nasty insulting things to you, but you keep calling. Do you enjoy being insulted?" He hung up and has not called since. Incidentally, I told a previous caller that I did not have Windows, I had an Apple. He wanted to know what that was.
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